i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
