Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
