She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
