...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
