I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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