Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
