I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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