I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
