T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
