Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
