Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
