you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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