That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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