So drunk its hurt
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
