Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
