i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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