Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
