I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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