so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
