I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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