what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
