i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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