the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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