You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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