Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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