Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
