You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
