Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
