my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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