How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
