Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize