blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Found the puke drawer
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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