i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You pole danced in your parka.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
