My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
