thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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