everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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