theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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