her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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