To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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