it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize