I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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