Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
