I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
