I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
