Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Watching her eat just hurts me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
