Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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