I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
