I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
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He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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