are you so shy because you have an std?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
