Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
