Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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