I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's blow job season.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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