I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
